"Three and Out" "Confession" "Endgame" "Horizons" "You may have already won..." "Island" "Dealer, I" "Wandering Spirit" "Raindance" "unfinished thought" "her" "Sponge" "Cat & TV set" "One against many..." "Flood of Curses" "Those Two"
"Three and Out"
I.
I gaze into the pool of hope only to see
Sisyphus brandishing my eternal fate,
His unrelenting stone,
My life of shattered dreams and missed opportunities,
What a cruel hand i've been dealt.
II.
Her soft glance charmed the world
But fell quite sort of me
We could see into each other's soul
But only one of us really understood
The questions were never fully answered
III.
An undying hope rested among
Leaves on the aging tree
What does this hope mean to me...her...them.
Vanishing into the mist,
My soul is torn.
-PJD
11/10/94
"Confession"
This is a confession of a lost wandering soul,
Wandering among souls which do not realize...
Their true fear. . . an intruder.
That bitch and her junior friends,
Their desperate nature evokes a laugh in my heart,
As they draw their verbal daggers -- sharp.
Lacerating the souls of the excluded,
They enchant themselves with this
oh-so-human
Power.
And the mystical cult surges with drawn energy.
The flea, unicorn, minstrel, and Angel-fallen,
So out of touch with Commoner, I.
Moving on separate tracks. . .
Heading for one destination,
A hopeless tomb, our common ground.
-PJD
11/17/94
"Endgame"
I.
Her heart bled crimson,
I felt no shame,
Was the passion cloaked in envy?
Am I the one to blame?
The bridge of answers has fallen down,
In this sea of confusion I will drown,
Are we at the endgame?
Do you know my name?
Are you sitting on the throne?
Is it all the same?
Pushed into a hole of her lies,
Was I worth the sacrifice?
II.
Her blood stained lips screamed, "Fire!"
The fire burning in my soul,
Desiring control.
The raging inferno inside me is uncontainable,
Like a cardinal soaring free,
This desire is overwhelming me.
I don't search for answers to Cupid's painful beckoning,
I search for release on this day of reckoning.
III.
Release me from this pit of hell before my bones turn to dust...
Hatred and love are one emotion,
Obsession turned to lust.
Our lives are cast in stone,
Our lives have one path,
We don't have the power to accept Lust's deadly wrath.
Creator cloaks us in sin,
In this game, you can not win.
One lifetime of fucked up rules,
Creator makes us --- fools.
Velvet, satin sympathies to those who can not see,
Drunk on untruths,
Lies bleed inside of me.
-PJD
12/1/94
"Horizons"
I can not help but to say, "Goodbye, friend."
As though you leave me now,
This could not be an end for there never was a beginning,
But that never mattered to you, did it?
Your head on his...their...his...compromised shoulders,
Two eyes looking back at the Nobody,
Spiteful, yet relaxed.
How did i offend you?
Do you want me to try again?
Has he sunk his claws into your soul?
Has he gone too deep?
As you look out at the horizon,
Do you see me standing there?
I'm the man with the big blue hat.
You'll realize when you finish the race,
The answer to your sorrow was looking you dead in the face.
-PJD
12/8/94
"untitled"
Consuming terror from spoon-fed fear,
Desiring the exit which exists in her mind.
A stilleto drawn sharp probes my soul.
"Yes...Is it Tuesday...have i sinned...
whats for dinner...am i turning green or is
it what I have always been...40 miles..."
The lies constrain what is between us,
If only she believed...in fate.
-PJD
1/12/95
"You may have already won..."
I am sitting on a chair on a hill. This chair isn't very comfortable but
it serves its purpose well. If I had a quarter for every person who noticed,
I'd still be penniless. But I remain. . . still awaiting my first guest.
You would be amazed at the view from here. Sometimes I see them wave or even smile...do they mean it or are they trying to make up with those who they left behind.
It is another overcast day up on the hill. If you head up here sometime, bring a jacket as it is sometimes a little bit windy in the early evenings. I see patches of sunlight down towards San Jose but those are just out of reach. Patches work well for clothes but tend to be less reliable on souls.
I've got this lottery ticker in my back pocket. I bought it the other day. I haven't checked the numbers yet. I doubt I ever will...
Pain may last for months but regret lasts a lifetime.
If you don't understand...you win.
If you do understand...you win.
For I have truly lost, again.
-PJD
1/12/95
"Island"
Surrounded on all sides be her kindred spirit,
A smile overwhelms my face,
The white sands of desire burn my feet.
Off in the distance, I hear someone calling,
A name unrecognizable...my own?
-PJD
1/26/95
"Dealer, I"
The observer among us sees much differently,
Life shuffled and dealt.
The deuce of hearts is played.
Alongside the Joker whose soul is vengeful.
All the cards aren't on the table.
As we wait for the Judgment Day.
Your heart fell into Fate's deep pit,
Did he draw you in with all his subliminal shit?
Observer, one -- Deuce, none.
Can't find the answers?
They've caught up to you.
Take a step up to the edge,
Let me push you off.
So easy a life you formerly led,
Did you really believe what was said?
-PJD
1/30/95
"Wandering Spirit"
We're looking at life from the other side now,
It's not what you expected,
Not even what I believed.
Neutrality...coffee...rain.
They all stain the soul.
Cryptic voices clash amongst fear...hope.
To reveal the ultimate goal.
-PJD
3/9/95
"Raindance"
plink
plink
plink
plink
taptaptap-plink-plink
rushing streams surround us
storms of agony
whoosh.
-PJD
3/9/95
"unfinished thought"
rhythms--interconnected
a tapping foot, a young girl typing,
Agony screams, "you aren't the one."
Hope wonders, "why not?"
momentum of desire releases each
to believe.
-PJD
3/16/96
"her"
your soft glance
gentle laugh
tender compassion
but you still don't recognize me,
pushed aside, forgotten.
you never bothered to call.
did i hurt you that much?
is there anyone left who cares.
-PJD
3/16/95
"Sponge"
Swimming in a pool...
a pool of thoughts of her...
thoughts of her bring a smile...
A smile, meaningless, without hope...
hope which she stole away...
Absorb.
-PJD
3/23/95
"Cat & TV Set"
There once was a cat whose head was a sphere,
His beady white eyes beckoned, "please come here."
"But please don't touch my dear TV set,"
said the world's most lacadaesical pet.
I don't need to be fed,
I don't need a remote,
Just let me watch the show, "The Love Boat."
Reruns of Gopher and Old Captain Stubing,
If the televisions on,
I won't bother moving.
Do everything you can to entice,
Even bring in a platter of mice!
If you can't tell, i've got a large appetite,
Unfortunately the kitchen is just out of sight,
If it were two steps closer..."Leave my TV?"
I might.
A nice fish for dinner sounds about right.
If it weren't for Swanson
For they make a great TV dinner.
With corn-on-the-cob and apple compote
The entree, roast parakeet, sure gets my vote!
I purred at the owner and he gave me a scowl,
"What the hell do you want?"
I replied,
"A small fowl."
He shouted,
"Not for you, you damn good for nothing."
I meowed a reply, "Oh stop your cussing,"
"All i need is love and a scratch under my chin,
I'm sure you would care if you put down the gin."
So, the cat turned away and looked to the set,
And the owner to his paper, both with regret.
-PJD
3/27/95
"One against Many..."
Arising from the fields of grain,
Souls take their position...
To Overtake! To Consume.
Si j'avais le temps, mais je n'en ai pas.
Parmi les autres, quelq'un criait,
"Pas maintenant, je vous deteste."
Personne ne se rend compte du pouvoir de haine.
Turn around and face your greatest fear.
You can't face me now.
Thats it.
Devour and throw out,
The tale of human compassion.
-PJD
5/1/95
"flood of curses"
This is not what they want. It was not scripted this way. Bound to the
devil's sole contract. Where is your aggressive side? Are your hands bound...or
are you in the grasp of society? The center of a vicious triangle which
you can not comprehend. What the fuck is going on/ Is it eternal...does
she thank God for it? How can i stop them...or will i let God deal the
cruel cards...
I must observe from my corner.
go fish, bitch.
-PJD
1-12-95
"Those two."
Not within the boundary of your heart,
As we watch the lovers break apart,
They had it all,
Threw it all away,
Thought they could find a better way.
Walking the fine line of selfishness,
Over a tightrope of obsession,
Where is your net?
Did she busy herself without you in mind?
Why is neglect so often the crime...
They called her a social engineer,
Could seduce a guy without even a beer.
Her motives will never be clear,
This is the world's greatest fear.
Seven years...seduction...empowerment...lost to a savage evil,
pride.
-PJD
6/14/95
(last updated -=- November 1, 1997)